Murphy's Laws of Volcanology - John Seach

and other laws relating to volcanology...

Murphy's Laws of Volcanology have been compiled in an attempt to produce a set of rules which will help combat the laws of nature. Volcanic activity is unpredictable and is well explained by Murphy's Laws. While providing comic relief, it is also hoped that Murphy's Laws will aid serious safety planning.
Safety Rules for Volcanologists

Murphy's Law:
If anything can go wrong , it will.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer that you think.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Every solution breeds new problems.

Seach's First Law of Volcanology:
You will miss the eruption.
Corollary one: If two volcanoes are about to erupt, you will go to the wrong one.
Corollary two: If one volcano is about to erupt you will either get there one day too late or leave one day too early.
Corollary three: The vent will erupt while you are changing lens.
Corollary four: The volcano will erupt while it is covered in clouds.
Corollary five: You have to sleep sometime.

Seach's Paradox:
A decrease in eruptive activity increases the risk.
Corollary one: Beware of a quiet volcano.

Seach's Second Paradox:
Getting to the volcano is more dangerous than the volcano itself.

Seach's First Law of Achievement:
The number of eruptions viewed, is inversely proportional to the number of meetings attended.

Seach's Second Law of Achievement:
The more money you have, the less you achieve.

Seach's Evacuation Dilemma:
You are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

Seach's Evacuation Paradox:
People who evacuate miss the most exciting event of their life.

H.L Mencken's Law:
Those who can - do.
Those who can't - teach.

Fagin's Rule.
Hindsight is an exact science.

Colvard's Logical Premises:
All probabilities are 50/50. Either the volcano will erupt or it won't.

Seay's Law:
Nothing ever comes out as planned on an expedition.

Sodd's Second Law:
Sooner or later , the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.

Seach's comment on Sodd's Law:
Any volcano warning system must be designed to withstand Sodd's Second Law.

Rudin's Law
In crises, most people will choose the worst possible course of action.

Zumurgy's seventh exception to Murphy's Law:
When it rains, it pours.

Shedenhelm's Law of Backpacking:
All trails have more uphill sections than they have level or downhill sections.

First Law of travel:
It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Finagles First law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Williams and Holland's Law:
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Hiram's Law:
If you consult enough experts you can confirm any opinion.

Murphy's Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Young's Law
All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Spark's Rules (applied to volcanologists)
Strive to look tremendously important.
Attempt to be seen with important people.
Speak with authority; however only expound the obvious and proven facts.
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that can be used against you.

Trueman's Law
If you can't convince them, baffle them with science.

Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict the trend will continue.

Mars Rule:
An expert is anyone from out of town.

Clarke's First Law:
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible,
he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible,
he is very probably wrong.

Clarke's Second Law:
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them
into the impossible.

Jones' Law of Museums:
The most interesting specimen will not be labeled.

Lerman's Corollary:
You are never given enough time or money to conduct field work.

Murphy's constant:
An object will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Jaffe's Precept (applied to volcanology):
There are some things about a volcano which are impossible to know
- but it is impossible to know these things.

The Ultimate Law:
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know
what you will find.

Ken's Law:
A flying particle will always seek the nearest eye.

Biondi's Law:
If your project doesn't work, look for the part you didn't think was important.

Berra's First Law:
You can observe a lot just by watching.

Silberman's Paradox:
If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will.